ConsumptionHAH Czar delivers coffee and soap – straight to your door
News
City Council Has Your Consumption Covered
City Council launches a new department to help citizens consume more
Coffee, electricity, plastic bags — the daily struggle is real. In response, the Smalltown City Council has created a brand new position responsible for, well, everything you use.
The role has been given to Sado Taskitch from the Workaholics Party (WP), recently welcomed back into the fold after a long stint in political exile.
“So what exactly will your responsibilities be in this new department?” we ask Czar Taskitch after the press conference.
“My responsibilities are whatever it says in the title,” says Taskitch. “Basically, making sure people have what they need — coffee, power, plastic bags, maybe flower pots. All that stuff. But most importantly, our goal is to increase consumption.”
“So you go to people’s homes with boxes of coffee, pizza, milk and dish soap?” we ask, trying to pin down the job description. “To boost their consumption?”
“Yeah, something like that,” replies Consumption Czar Taskitch. “I also place random Temu orders for random citizens. Because honestly, if people can’t manage to consume enough on their own, then it’s our duty as a council to help them along.”
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