Last week saw full throttle both at the political party town meetings — and at the state liquor store.
Politics
Reveal Next Year’s Policies After Annual Town Meetings
All parties are now ready to present next year’s political platform
While national political parties hold “national conventions,” Smalltown parties host “town meetings.” This week, every major party in Smalltown wrapped up their annual gatherings and unveiled their political priorities for the coming year.
Delegates from across the city’s districts met in various rented halls according to party lines — except for the Inside Party, which, after a proposal by fifth deputy leader Ola Barten Mø, conducted their meeting entirely via SMS.
Smalltown Magazine has reviewed the meetings and here’s a breakdown of what the leading parties are planning for the year ahead:
Workaholic Party (Wp)
Will continue to push the work-first doctrine, gradually raise the retirement age to 85, and establish more committees to investigate things we already know way too much about.
Higher and Higher (HH)
Wants weekly testing of reading, writing, and math skills starting at age 3, and to entice spoiled billionaires to move back home.
The Backwards Party (TBP)
Demands more “Swedish conditions” — especially cheaper tobacco and alcohol from across the border. Otherwise opposed to just about everything.
We Pitch In (WPI)
Plans free dental care for single-families funded by dock fees at the yacht harbor, and a 1% property tax increase for people with particularly scenic views.
Straight Left (SL)
Will save big on healthcare by raising the national pain threshold. Also pushing to get rid of Sveinalf Messbottom.
Blood Red (BR)
Wants to punch Ronni Robberstad in the face.
The Inside Party (IP)
Positioning itself as an opposition party to the Workaholics, with whom they’d still like to govern.
Noah’s Ark and the Holy Hand (NAHH)
Just trying to pass the minimum vote threshold. Not getting involved in whether Blood Red punches Ronni Robberstad in the face.
Green & Stuff (GAS)
Looking to cash in on the “Ståttenberg Effect” and elected Jens Ståttenberg from the Workaholic Party as their new party leader — by a single vote. They remain vaguely pro-environment.
Us With Yachts (UWY)
Tax breaks for yacht owners and other wealthy citizens. Also pushing for deeper waters in the Smalltown archipelago.
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